Here we are 20/20, perfect vision huh? The year barely began before we 3xperienced the landslide of events in which the poison wrapped in peanut butter slowly got pushed further and further down our throats and here we are, talks of facing a second wave of quarantine, wearing face masks that you can smell a fart through which end up abandoned in parking lots, beaches and my favorite… right next to a trash can.

The contamination that is running throughout our world is overflowing & it starts in our thoughts, in our homes, in our governments, in the way we teach and treat ourselves and others. Can’t you see!? The abuse of power that is happening all around!? IT IS A GOD DAMN PRIVILEGE TO BE A HUMAN BEING & IT COMES WITH A HUGE FUCKING RESPONSIBILITY TO TAKE CARE OF OURSELVES, OTHERS AND THIS ENTIRE ECOSYSTEM OF LIFE! Wheeew! Now that I got that off my chest *as the residual smoke escapes my dragon snout* … we can’t beat darkness with darkness but we can SET A MOTHER FUCKING TONE by standing in our expressions and voice of what truly matters to us, it is achievable to be fierce without violence, to be angry and yield honorable results, to not agree and still desire peace.

Welcome to the Matrix Soul Fam! You are the key player and you have a fucking choice… [I CHOOSE TO BE CONTAMINATION] or [I CHOOSE TO BE MEDICINE] . Which one do you choose? Sometimes impurity can be coated and stamped, top shelf antidote, we are learning about the illusions that lay before us and within us, still human, capable of malfunction AND still keep that vision alive, that one foot forward walking with the medicine in your mind, projecting out your heart. It is possible to birth peace out of chaos… we do it all the time, nature does it all the time. We are an intelligent, regenerative, conscious, intuitive, fruitful and infectious species… be liberated in this knowing and take some time to really harness the value and power of your influence here on earth… NOW, ALWAYS!

See I have an endearing connection with chaos, it has birthed me a new so many times that I no longer fear the mystery of where the winds, waters, land or flames will leave me. In the midst of the raging war I witness the wisdom, it so so subtle, so still and yet the winds carry on and so does my breath. Let me tell you about my 2020…

20/20 perfect vision huh? Towards the end of 2019 deep depression kept coming to the surface and I kept doing what my ego knew best, suppressing it back in the dark corners of my consciousness, denying the signs and thinking I know what’s best for me when CLEARLY SPIRIT WAS PROVIDING ALL THE SIGNS through communications from outside of me and inside of me. I remember I was stoned as fuck before bed and I had this voice in my head repeat persistently, I have to fucking go, I just have to leave… I never heard an echo so hard then I think, “who’s the one observing this conversation?” I laugh at myself and suppress it for one more long hold… purple and blue, that was the longest breath I ever held. The ticks and tocs would pop up when I would be with my friends or family, I could sense myself having to “pull myself together” or sense a deep sadness, trying so hard to be happy, in the moment when all I felt was a deep grief, I felt so alone… in my head… by myself… wide awake…. in company. I was so deprived of intimacy, affection and mindful touch my friends could see it when we were together. I spent 2 years healing from traumatic events that occurred during our time period and my cup wasn’t being filled and I was allowing my well to run dry, with the occasional friend fill ups and self anointed weeps and sobs of cradling myself, fucking myself and spending hours in my gypsy cave with my divination tools. I chose fear, it drove & I stayed… until I couldn’t fucking take it anymore.

February hit and the turning point happened during a friends surprise birthday celebration at the Hard Rock Casino at a comedy show. The event that happened doesn’t matter, what matters is that I finally heard spirit… Spirit lifted the veil from my eyes and was like in that strongly subtle way amidst the chaos “baby girl, can’t you see… you have been allowing this for so long. How much more are you going to take?” That night I told my friend, I can’t do this anymore. Lets look at this, 20/20 vision right… Spirit showcases the unveiling at a comedy show… indeed this was hilarious… I was drunk not in love, sobbing and laughing at the same time, my emotions were so confused; I drank like it was my duty, left feeling like the joker going mad, the comedy was even right on time to so many aspects of my life. Ok sooo what is laughter? Medicine. I could see the medicine in the chaos, I could feel the clearing ALREADY taking place. during the show he begins to address how women support women like *yassss queen you know you a bad bitch yady yady yada* I was dying because I’m like [UHHHHH YEAHHHHH] and I was so heartbroken at the same time, it was an enjoyable kind of death and something happened during this time in the skit, I received a message from a girlfriend filling my cup up, telling me that she is so grateful for me, that I am the reason why she is still alive. Spirit guided her to share this profound gratitude she was feeling to guide me back to my heart, back to my true nature and value. We haven’t spoken in so long and she came through like god on the quick dial, and in that moment of give and receive… God was happening, and I was crying… tears of gratitude, remembrance, love and appreciation… in a fucking comedy club. Hilarious!

I had already gotten over the looking good conversation and decided that if I feel like ugly crying in the middle of the casino I’m not going to stop myself, so I was drunk, ugly crying to my friend here and there, a little bit of everywhere and he comes across a slot machine pulls out the lingering receipt and says “Guess how many cents?” Immediately I say pouting “Two.” That intuition was on point, another God guidance to – FOLLOW MY INTUITION. So many times I chose to believe the deceit and masks he would display and discount my own inner echo, so many times to the point I began to think I was the crazy one… one by one those hidings became revealed and true colors were seen. My intuition and God were guiding me all along, I was just always trying to be right about how the story looked and showed up. In the earlier months I remember watching an interview with Lady Gaga and Oprah and Lady Gaga said something about making a change requires RADICAL ACCEPTANCE. When I heard that I knew!!! But I continued to suppress my emotions until I was ready. I knew it wasn’t time to move the energy just yet… I felt called to enter my heart, be still and receive the ALWAYS HERE GUIDANCE. So I quieted my monkey mind and listened, watched, breathed, received and seen.

We had to work a 4 day gig in Orlando and were planning on staying with his family in March I think? (Who even knows what fucking day it is today #covid2020) The event was called The Powerful Living Experience By David Bayer andddddd I must include the secret sauce to operations, Carol Bayer. I knew I needed to marinate in the acceptance and truly receive the wisdom it had to offer, in it I discovered messages like “Celebrate the endings.” , “Love him for who he is.” , “You can’t make something into something it is not meant to be.” , “Be brave, spirit seeks you.” , “You are never alone, I felt every ache and pain you ever 3xperienced.” , “Don’t worry about the plan” . So many messages and 3xperiences that anchored me into the root of now, of love, compassion, forgiveness and excitement. In my head I had a pleasant vision of how the PLE would go… haha, jokes on me… more medicine!!! I found myself crying in the bathroom from our interactions pep talking myself up that I don’t have to put up with this much longer, to wipe my face and go capture some great content! There was a moment when we were walking towards each other two feet a part and I seen his eyes jitter back and forth as if he was forcing himself to not look at me, it felt like a stab straight to the core. I felt so uncomfortable and so unwanted there, it was so hard for me to pretend like I was okay when the team would try and interact with me. I felt horrible for distancing myself from them, I really enjoyed their company and presence I just needed to create space for my sanity and so I wouldn’t break down. The interesting thing is that when I see David and Carol, I see love, devotion, family, authenticity, loyalty, ancient wisdom and magic… I look up to couples who work together in raising the consciousness and frequency of this planet, that is a valuable asset to have on Planet Earth, I want something like that… and where I was WAS NOT ‘THAT’ !

The last night working we went to dinner with his family and I was still allowing spirit to show me my path and I had a reflection to a past time, in the beginning of our relationship; I was at Brus Room in Delray Beach and I seen an Ex who I always had so much love for & our acknowledgment was a head nod… I remember feeling how bad that hurt and that I don’t want the now(ex) to be just a head nod… then I reflected back to us walking past each other and his eyes jittering and I’m like… damn… I couldn’t even get a head nod. I seen enough Spirit, tap me out… I’m done. When we got home from Orlando I wrote a clearing, didn’t expect one in return and I wrote him a letter and read it to him; I set us both free.

I found the courage to step into my truth. I accessed the strength to stand in my vision and respects of how I get to be treated… I 3xperienced the value that I am, the shit I don’t need to take, the strength that I am and the suffer I don’t need to put myself through. I felt how long I have been truly grieving this false reality I was living in and I set myself free from it, in honor… with love, respect, compassion and forgiveness… & that is why it took so damn long to rip the band aid off because I had to find my heart, now… mommas coming home, back to my true nature… no toning myself down for the comforts of others. Ironically during my last days there I found myself showering and I heard Spirit say “You did a good job baby.” and I just held myself in the shower and cried, I seen myself… in him… like a fucking filmstrip replaying all the times I would seek his validation just like he was seeking validation from all those other women and his outside world. I seen the people pleaser in me… in him. I seen how he was my perfect mirror… ahhhh more medicine! It was like a weight off my shoulders, clear vision. I seen with out judgement, I felt it strengthen me to the core, I was ready to move the energy… I was excited to come back to myself and reinvent my codes. For so long I wanted to step into myself as a host of sacred ceremonies & I never gave myself permission, the story I am making up to this is that I wasn’t able to step into a space of healing and integrity when I was not living in my own. I was hiding from authenticity, I was behind a mask of fear that had a good fucking poker face… that’s not a leader, that’s a follower. When the student is ready, the teacher will come… I was ready to face myself, my shadows, my light and everything in between … I wasn’t afraid of myself any more, I was falling deeper in love with myself.

I felt the taste of freedom, excitement and self empowerment in my new space, my growth flourished… I was starting to step into the woman I wanted to be without fear, in confidence, in ceremony, I had no reason to hide then I got hit with more challenges of toxic masculinity & the lessons in this have been to stay true to who I am and don’t dim my light because it makes others uncomfortable, to respect boundaries but do not let other peoples boundaries define mine or my character, to give space and time, to see, hear and feel in between the said and unsaid spaces, to own my emotional input and output and not make anyone else responsible for my projections, to be a witness to myself and others and how interactions happen, to give myself permission to explore my sexuality without anyone else’s validation, to truly embrace who I am and the hell fire that birthed me back into my wild heart, to never let my wild fire die again FOR ANYONE! To be strong, courageous and intentional in my vision and moral compass and to not take anything too seriously after all life is comedy, just listen to the birds… they will share some laughs and hyenas will boast out collective cackles.

One day I was saying to a friend that I’m not the protest type the next day a friend says I’m feeling called to go, I say “lesssss ride!” I knew I needed to face what I was uncomfortable with, confrontation. My sign was a peace sign and said love, her’s was no peace no justice and we walked side by side, when the collective group was singing this I felt the uncomfortableness at my core, conflicting thoughts between chanting or staying in my own frequency, silent I moved from my womb with my first in the air, witnessing the massive wave of heartbeats walking for justice and freedom! I was seeing how everyone played a part in the efforts; the sweet boys passing around waters to people, as individuals marched past cops in passionate fury, displaying signs of anger, tiredness, relentlessness and persistence on their boards, faces and hearts this sweet boy goes to a cop and hands him a water. People passing out snacks, standing on corners holding up signs of peace and enlightenment, cars driving by honking and driving by again and honking, holding out signs of togetherness! We were all there, in that moment of history… together marching for Justice and freedom from the insistent abuse of power that continues to rule our countries, our governments, our homes, our lives… we were marching for our lives back, for HUMANITY to BE HUMANE! As I was walking I seen us from a birds eye view, we resembled a river coasting through rock and land carving our way with our hearts and on we marched! I felt the influx of energy that was connecting, clearing and generating to our collective frequency, I felt the strong subtle whispers amongst the chaos, our ancestors and councils were there in full support, they were walking with us… side by side. We are supported heavenly. HEAVILY. I had an idea that I’m not the protest type AND I showed up and found out I AM THE ME TYPE, all I have to do is show up to that, I received what I needed to out of the 3xperience, I am so grateful I got out of my comfort zone of idea.

20/20 perfect vision… it’s only June… and I’m sure there is a bunch of insight this year has blessed me with that I forgot to mention and more to come but we are here… Opening up the Third eye portal, seeing into space & time in a nonlinear 3xperience, breathing into the chaos that has, is and will birth us into new ways of beingness that will support the collective effort of, all of us. I see how this pandemic is a reflection into my life… It’s time to clean up this contamination we have been allowing for so long, clean up our acts, remove the masks, stop playing small and play for ALL! It is a collective effort, shed what is asking to and receive what is awaiting you! You can do this! FOR FUTURE GENERATIONS WE WILL NEVER MEET… THIS ONES FOR YOU!

I’m all about self expression, if you mad baby be mad, show me those pretty colors… it’s all medicine.
When you have the courage to step into your truth, no-one can take YOU away from YOU.
Look up! Messages in the sky reflecting in your neighbors eyes!
It’s all a part of the dream. Time to reinvent!
The time is NOW
Now it’s time to flip this WORLD GAME upside down!